Uh, not in this global Pan Dulce! Hell, let me stop blaming the Ponderosa. Even before The Rona drug its crusty ass across the globe, I stayed my ass in the house. The only time I would go out was for work and food. Pitiful, I know. Well, stop judging. I’m trying to change. As you may have already caught on from the vibe of this site is that my depression and anxiety have really stopped me from doing the things I once loved. Traveling, even in the smallest form, is one thing that has been affected the most.
Back in the day, you couldn’t keep me in the house. I was out here in these streets every chance I got, but now I just pretty much stay in my apartment. It’s not because I want to. It’s because I don’t have the energy to get fully dressed to go anywhere. The way my depression is set up, it either does one of two things. If I even so much as think of going anywhere, it will drain any semblance of liveliness in me or it will trigger one of my million insecurities. For the last seven years, I’ve woken up damn near every day with feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, and worthlessness. On the off chance that I wake up in a relatively good mood, my depression and anxiety team up to take my ass out the rest of the day.
Ya’ll, it’s time for me to put on my big girl pants (literally and figuratively) and go see the world and by world I mean my city. Baby steps people. BABY STEPS. I plan to start small like going to the park for a walk or maybe to a movie. My introverted ass would even like to try some local events. I just have to get over my natural disdain for people again. Just kidding… sort of.
My goal is to get out every weekend to do something around town. I already know I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself because I’m my worst enemy, but diamonds are made under pressure or whatever that quote said that I used on my MySpace page back in the day. So check in weekly to see where your girl pops up around town. Wish me luck!
Sincerely,
Denetra Dee
